Nun Story #4

Same grade, same teacher (7th grade was a banner year!).  Spike O'Toole* was Biff's 7th grade counterpart.  They were in the same grade at one point, but then Spike repeated one more time and ended up a year behind Biff.  Once out of Biff's shadow, he really came into his own . . .

Spike brought a box of lucifer matches back from lunch one day.  You know, the wooden matches that you strike on the side of the box?  He was roaming through the school yard with the matches,  holding the box out in front of his chest, and in one motion striking the match in an upward arc and launching the igniting match toward the nearest group of unsuspecting girls.  A bunch of us who didn't go home for lunch were following him, at a safe distance, marveling at his complete lack of social graces like we never would have to his face, and laughing as the girls screamed and scattered.

Of course, he got busted.  Why wouldn't he?

By Mother Superior.  She marched him off to the office and the rest of us went back to aimlessly wandering in the schoolyard until the bell rang and we could go back inside for afternoon class.  I never made it.  Just as I was about to enter the class room, I got yanked out of line by another nun who told me my presence was required in Mother Superior's office.  Immediately.

See, Biff was a loner.  He just didn't care.  He did whatever he felt like doing, whenever he felt like doing it, consequences be hanged.  Or Biff be hanged, it didn't matter to him.  But Spike was a wannabe.  He was only a loner until he got caught.  Spike was never going to hang alone.  Turns out that under the intense interrogation that followed the Lucifer Match incident, Spike tried to strike a plea bargain by offering up an accomplice.  Under extreme duress, he told Mother Superior that I gave him the matches!!!!

And she believed HIM!!!!

I was toast.  Nothing I said made any difference.  The illogic of his accusation could not prevail (he went home for lunch, I remained at school- where did I get the matches?)- no one was even asking questions, let alone seeking answers.  I got adamant.  When the day ended and I still wouldn't confess, I was invited to stay after school until my father could come and get me.  Still I held my ground.  Until my dad arrived.

 And he believed HER!!!!

 Mother Superior had filled him in on the phone, and I never had a chance.  My word, against the word of God's representative at St Lawrence.  He made me apologize, and I did, but in such a way that I never actually admitted any guilt (years later, I really appreciated the twisted artistry in Bill Clinton's insistence on the absolutely exact meaning of words . . .). 

 It never occurred to my dad that Mother Superior might not have fully investigated the entire incident, or that she might have leapt to the conclusion that I had indeed supplied the matches.  She was a nun, after all.  She couldn't lie, and therefore, it had to be me.  All the way home, he kept telling me how disappointed he was in me.  (I hadn't fooled him with my verbal artistry.)  How a scout (I was a boy scout) was trustworthy.  How God was even more disappointed in me than he was.  How much the truth meant to him and to God and how much it should mean to me . . .

 So I lied. 

 I told him I did it.  And he felt better. 

 I cried, and he forgave me and sent me to bed.  He told me that we'd talk about my punishment in the morning, but we never did.  I sure wasn’t going to bring it up, and my father never mentioned it again.

 A few months later, he died (December 18, 1960).  I knew he had diabetes, and he was blind from it, but when he went into the hospital, it never occurred to me that he wouldn’t be coming home again. 

 For a long time afterward, I took comfort in knowing that at least he hadn’t died thinking I was a liar . . .

*Spike is a made up name too.  I'm not worried about him being out there still 'cause I heard a few years after high school that he was found dead under "mysterious" circumstances.  But I didn't out Biff, and I didn't out Mother Superior, so I figured I wouldn't out Spike either.